We think the better question for you to ask would be: Did your spouse happily marry you on your wedding day? And if the answer is yes, then rest assured you still possess all that’s necessary to provide them with what they need, want, and desire from you. Though there is a qualifier to this statement. Just because you possess the capability to do those things doesn’t mean your spouse can currently see that nor does it mean you’re doing a great job right now of displaying it to them. And if either of those two things is the case, then you need to start working at improving them.
We’ve all had times when we’re unable to see an object and then suddenly it materializes right before our eyes. Like when you can’t see the saltshaker someone is wanting you to hand them even though it’s in plain sight on the counter with everyone pointing at it. Well, there’ll be times your spouse will be unable to see you also.
Instead of blaming them for not seeing your greatness or your true worth, work at improving yourself so it’s easier for them to see; and then, give them time to see the evidence you lay before them. Sooner or later, you’ll find you’ve become an even better version of yourself. Radiant and shining brighter every day like a lighthouse for your spouse to navigate their way back to you when they eventually see it. And trust me, they’ll see it at some point in the course of time.
And if it's more the fact you’re not doing a good job of displaying it, then change and start taking responsibility for what you display for the world and your spouse to see. Yes, be okay with your best self but don’t expect your spouse to accept lesser versions as masterpieces either. Just because life gives you hardships doesn’t mean you get to sit down and give up. It’s of course understandable in certain circumstances if you do but it's never to be celebrated.
To expect your spouse to be happy with all the changes that have happened to you or that you’ve made since your wedding day is unreasonable. For example, if you’ve let yourself go physically, don’t make as much money as you once did, or picked up a habit you shouldn’t have; those are all things you, yourself, probably wish weren't the case. Though you can and should expect them to be understanding and empathetic. Be careful, because both of those great qualities just mentioned, can very easily slide over to the negative side and become enabling. So, there’s a delicate balance here you and your spouse should be aware of.
Without the right support and counsel, balance can be hard to achieve in marriage. It’s hard enough with just one person let alone two individuals and kids, in some cases. So, if you’re standing in front of what looks to be an insurmountable wall in your marriage—don’t give up. There are solutions.
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